Well, that's all Folks!

And I was really looking forward to getting to have the title '1 Month in the Netherlands' Ah well, I'll take what I can get right? I bet you guys are wondering what the hell I'm talking about, but I'll enlighting you, while the memory is still fresh and while I feel completely and totally numb.

Honestly, how does one expect to cope? So here I was in a blissful day after the parents of Brian went and visited a neighbor who recently lost their baby at 37 weeks. I'd like to think that Brian and I had a good day, and maybe he was older he could vouch for me I think. Anyway, my host mom has been very difficult to live with, I thought I would just come out and say it now, there's no reason to be so in the dark about it now. It doesn't matter anymore, I'm going home, back to the states.

I know thats a shocker huh? It was to me too as well, I felt a bit disconnected from the discussion, they had already made their decision and nothing was going to change their mind. I was told that you had 1 month grace period, that's the minimum it takes to get used to Holland, I still had one week left and I thought I was progressing fairly well, they did not. And they also didn't think to bring it to my attention either, I learned after a small talk about taking the initiative more on Saturday(but how can one take it, if Brian who is still breastfeed doesn't want me just his mother? And said mother who cannot stand the child's cry?) They decided today, which is Monday that it wasn't going to work, and pack my bags and go home.

Yeah, just like that. I'm in a state of numbness, I'm getting quite used to things of this nature happening to me. Just when something gets good in my life, something else horrible snatches it up, and I had high hopes that 2014, wouldn't turn out to be as horrible as last year was, but clearly I was living in a fairytale land. I was told by the husband that our personalities clashed, which was strange and him and I get along just fine, as mostly we don’t see each other. The mother however is who I've had the most interaction with, is very...well I don’t want to be rude, but anal comes to mind. Everything in the house is labeled, and you know which is what and whose, whose. She has to have everything a certain way, and I've stuck by that.

She doesnt like anyone in her kitchen, she prefers to cook. Okay, why is it that, when we had this discussion I was told I didnt even offer to cook for them? One, I did offer actually, I was told politely no, it wasn't necessary and to watch Brian. Two, she's has a gluten intolerance she knows the foods she can and cannot consume, it would be horrible to make a dinner only to see that she couldn't eat any of it. I was trying to be considerate, they saw uninterested. What I do not understand, is if they decided all of this last week, why did they buy things that only I enjoy in mast quantities as if I was still going to continue to be here? That doesn't make sense, but I don’t have the energy nor the effort to dwell on it.

I'm just, in like shock I suppose. Like seriously, never did I think this was going to happen. I wasnt yet ready for my year abroad to end, which sucks now. As when I go back sooner then I expected, I do not have a job anymore, but that's another thought for another day. Their agency told me that because I was more laid back, and from a western culure, the family didnt realize how much a culture shock this would be. I was fine from in end, adjusting perfectly after I got over the time difference. Anyone who knows me, knows my personality is quiet, however I can talk and I do. Apparently it wasnt enough for them and I got the boot. I'm not trying to think about it, just trying to go to the motions and pack my clothes, and try not to forget anything. I don’t think I really got souvenirs This is very depressing, like truly you have no idea how much this sucks.

Good enough I was told, but not good enough for this family.....*shakes head silently* I'm not even going to go there, I'm really not. It's not worth the heart ache, nor the distress.

Tomorow will suck, I have decided. It was either have the mom drop me off to the Agency and while that's easier, I just don’t want to, I don’t want to be anywhere near her for a long period of time. I just cannot do it. She refuses to talk to me actually, I've been dealing with the father. This is the most I've talked to him since I've been here. I don’t understand, if she was woman enough to want me gone, why not just contine on with it.

I guess she feels a bit guilty, I don’t think I really care to be honest. Anyway, I would rather take a train ride(I've had no experiences with trains here, I was going to take one this upcoming weekend when I went to Amsterdam but thats not happening obviously) They really messed everything up. But whatever, I cannot dwell on what's not going to change. Sadly this happens, but I don’t regret. I regret choosing the family I did, I wish I hadnt yet chose them, but I don’t regret my experience. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Next time however, I myself will register with an agency, and not think that I was already registered as I can't enter into rematch because of that little technicality I suppose.

I'm done, trying to be the bigger person....ad that means deleting them from my life lol, kidding.....or am I?